Monday, March 07, 2005

Okay Motherfuckers, We're All Doing Jello-shots

Strand Spring Break is here. Just because you work 40+ hours-a-week for no money and no good reason doesn't mean that you can't be in spirit.

I, for one, defy anyone to work as little as I plan to in the coming week. Month. What have you.

The moratorium on Hawaiian shirt use has been lifted; heavy consumption of girl-drinks is recommended during any and all work hours; Caribbean music, however, is still off-limits, because I hate that crap.

If you would like to be part of the Organizing Committee, contact me with a letter of interest. Currently there are two (2) positions available for people to stand on either side of me and prop-up my dead fucking body "Weekend at Bernie's"-style.

[Schedule Update: The Wet T-shirt Contest will be combined with the Luau when I spray Nancy with kerosene and stick an apple in her mouth.]



Blogger aurora raby said...


3:09 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do realize that in order for it to be a true Luau, you need to bury Nancy in the sand for 12 hours to ensure that she cooks thoroughly. Gentlemen, start your digging...

6:57 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can't handle it anymore! i fear having some sort of public meltdown from being in such close proximity to millionaires (i.e. fred and nancy, of whom the latter lives in the Trump FUCKING Towers) I don't know if i can handle it, seriously. I want to cry right now while typing this. I hate everyone, my coworkers, my managers (fucking pathetic lifers), and the inconsequential customers. But especially those bastards who live like fucking kings while we wallow in our own poverty. Seriously, if each of them withdrew $10000 out of their golden bank accounts and divided it up evenly between all employees, I would be happy for the next six months. I could probably even go out one night and still be able to make rent. and afford fucking ramen. In the words of Nick Cave "I am not afraid to die"...all i need now is the mercy seat. SOMEBODY FUCKING FIRE ME PLEASE!!!

12:27 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

japan is now accepting applications.

8:15 am  
Blogger beetlebreakfast said...

Whoa! Nice shootin', Tex! Get it together, good Christ. That is the wildest rant I've read in a while, I love it.

9:10 am  

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