Most Coveted Task of the Day

Are the rumors true? Fred sending out errand-boys to Saks to pick up a fur coat worth several thousands of dollars? "Hey, you, kid-- no no, the dirtier one-- no, not you, I want the filthy, poor one-- yeah, you! Run along and grab a bag of roadkill worth more than your entire life, chop-chop."

I would have loved to see the interaction between Fancy Store Salesperson and Abjectly Destitute Non-bathing Strand Worker.

FSS: May I . . . help you?

ADNSW: Coats . . . gurgglhhggfzzz . . . need soup . . . where is soup. . . ?

FSS: Excuse me?

ADNSW: Please . . . I don't . . . I have a . . . a dumpster . . . .

FSS: Please sir, get off the floor.

ADNSW: [Foams at mouth; shoves both hands in pants]

[Long silence]

FSS: Ohhhhhhhhhh, you must be here for the coat.

Yes, this happened on company time, which of course isn't surprising at all. What would be surprising is Mrs. Fred opening up her present on Christmas morning to discover an actual fur coat, instead of a cheap ringer substituted for the original (which has since been pawned for three years' pay and some Chili's gift certificates).